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Podcast with Steven Porges on social distancing

I really enjoy Steven Porges’ wonderful contributions from the field of neuro-science. His studies of our nervous system have helped to deepen the scientific and therapeutic understanding of what actually happens between people. What he describes is a process common to all mammals, co-regulation, where being together allows us to calm down and assess danger/safety by perceiving (or Neuroception) another’s nervous state. In this time of physical distancing and isolation, we have increased need for contact. By contrast, texting, emailing and “social”media remove the vital elements of vocal tone and facial expression which have evolved over time to help us sense what each other feels, wants, needs, fears etc.

Thanks once again to Serge Prengel’s Relational Implicit podcast for a clear and timely conversation.

https://relationalimplicit.com/porges-social/

Personally I prefer the term physical distancing  because we need to work hard retain the social contact, as Porges says. We need to keep a safe distance to prevent possible viral transmission, but we need to maintain contact to reduce unnecessary anxiety and counter the feeling of isolation. So we talk, we make jokes, send love,… I heard of people dressing as animals and dancing outside their neighbours window on a child’s birthday…we do what we can to make contact and keep connected.

To this end I am seeing clients online using the various video/phone calling methods to meet and work with people. In some cases I am meeting clients outdoors, in the beautiful surroundings of the Calder Valley. This may not always be appropriate, but I am happy to discuss this with new clients.

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Exhibition of Drawings and Paintings 14/15th Sept 2019

For one weekend only – 14/15th Sept 11-5pm

As part of the Todmorden Open Studios Popup

At Todmorden Therapy Space, White Rose Mill, of Rise Lane, OL147AA

Works by Simon Manfield  –  prints available to buy

for more info on Simon see https://simonmanfield.blogspot.com/

Copyright Simon Manfield

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Article: Telling young survivors of suicide…

This essay summarises the ideas and research in a well written and researched book Suicidal: why we kill ourselves by Jesse Bering. It speaks of the effect a suicide can have on children, and in particular, how the information about the death is handled. It resists oversimplification and instead details subtleties, evolving narratives and different possibilities, using many examples and case histories. I found it a very good read.

Clicking this link should take you to the article on the AEON website which has many interesting essays on Psychology and more.

This link for info on a men’s discussion group

If you have been affected by someone’s suicide or threats to end their life you can contact me through this website and arrange a free phone call.

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Transactional Analysis concepts

Transactional Analysis or TA is a great way of understanding yourself and how you relate to the rest of the world. It uses simple concepts to help you understand your personality. People use it in many ways, eg to work out why they keep getting into difficult relationships, or why relationships keep stalling. They find interpersonal issue that previously seemed unchangeable can become freer, less scary or less upsetting. Some people use it in work or schools, or even to change an entire organisation. It can go deep into childhood or you can stay in the here and now to analyse your own behaviour, thoughts and feelings.

My training was based in this model of understanding personality and human relationships developed by Eric Berne. Whilst I have added other models and approaches to my work, I still enjoy the simplicity and thoroughness of TA. There are 3 youtube videos by Theramin Trees which explain the basic concepts. Books on TA cover a huge range of topics, too numerous to mention.

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Conversation with Pat Ogden on body posture

A conversation between Pat Ogden of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute and Serge Prengel.   I like the way Pat speaks about the body and I feel like my way of working has some crossover with hers (although I have not trained at her Institute). I also run workshops on Body Language and non-verbal expression (see The Human Cry)

https://mindfulpause.com/ogden/

This is one of a series of interviews or conversations as Serge prefers to call them. I think he is an excellent interviewer who skilfully summarises what he is hearing and often helps the subject to open up and share what needs to be shared. See also https://somaticperspectives.com/

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Different types of therapy

Relational therapy

We all live continuously in relation; to others, to ourselves and to our environment – we are created and shaped by our experiences of relating and thus our complex and layered personality structure is formed. Therapy allows us to learn more about the workings of our unique structure and to work through problems – in relation. Relational therapy pays attention to our relationship, using you and I, in the moment, as a way to observe in real time how we are reacting to another person. We can also then observe what is happening internally; our relationship(s) to ourself(selves).

We may look into the past or think about the future, but there are many clues in the here and now, in what happens between us. How you are in the world and what you want from life can be explored in the safe space we create each week, through openness, compassion and non-judgemental exploration.

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Katherin Stauffer talks about sex and power

I want to share this article because I enjoyed it and also because I think the current debate about sexual harassment is an important one. Serge Prengle is an excellent moderator of discussions and his conversations series is a useful resource for those wishing to learn about body/somatic psychotherapies.

She says; “In cases of abuse the shame that should be with the perpetrator gets transferred to the person who has been abused.” It’s a simple but important thing, a helpful reminder that part of the abuse is this co-creating of shame. This involves or invests the vulnerable party in the creation of a protector for the abuser. It maintains and reinforces the power imbalance.

Then she goes on to say sometimes there is an attempt to return this shame – for the abused person to try to shame the abuser. Which, whilst understandable and perhaps important, rarely helps either party. My question as a therapist is often – what will be helpful?

Kathrin Stauffer reflects on sex & power

 

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Creativity

Creative acts can be transformative and creativity can be key to problem solving.

Aside from the obviously “artistic” activities, many of our  moment-by-moment behaviours, choices and responses require creativity, including our defences. As we decide what to do, or how to respond, our subconscious works to keep us safe and avoid things it has learned to fear.  As children we learned through trial, experiences and through play. Those lessons were embedded deep in the psyche and are held in the body. Some of those lessons may now be holding us back, so creative thinking and creative play can help us contact those deeply held beliefs and feelings in a way that rational discussion can sometimes simply cannot access.

It’s not about artistic expression. It’s about engaging more than the cognitive mind and helping the vague notions and out-of-awareness feelings to emerge into consciousness. Exploration allows us to soften the rational grip and makes room for a more open perspectives, it relaxes the rigidity of thinking that may be needed for change to occur.

Sometimes we cannot understand rationally or cognitively, but we still need to find a way to express or explore our thoughts, feelings or actions.

Sometimes clients and I make drawings or diagrams to represent or catch something elusive. We may come back to these scribbles and schema to help us remember the themes and layers of previous sessions. Patterns appear, symbols speak and feelings become more meaningful.

Sometimes we can lay out objects to illustrate tangled relationships or a complex set of feelings. This enables a perspective, or multiple perspectives to be seen, to be layered…. and even to be challenged.

Sometimes we may need to stand tall, curl up, walk around the room or jump up and down. By changing ourselves physically we encourage different psychological perspectives to emerge.

 

I believe that we are all creative, through necessity. In times of distress, crisis or chaos our creativity can be illuminating, freeing, soothing and so helpful.

And of course it can add humour, fun, relief or distraction where needed.

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Therapy or counselling

What is the difference between therapy and counselling?

Opinions differ but I feel like therapy and counselling often overlap and I find in my work that I do both.

I understand counselling as essentially a listening process, through which people gain perspective, find a voice and share their experiences without judgement or criticism. This process can be illuminating, empowering or cathartic. Sometimes sharing your story is a first step toward changing the narrative.

In therapy the client works towards a process of change. This may involve explorations and insights, it may involve discoveries and challenges. But the process should be held safely by the therapist and the direction or purpose of change should be agreed and understood by the client, usually through an agreed contract.

In simple terms, counselling tends to be shorter, often focussed on one particular issue, whereas therapy may take longer and be more open to exploration.

Feel free to ask for clarification if you are not sure. The first session is a good time to ask questions.

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Transactional Analysis

TA is a popular form of talking therapy devised by Dr. Eric Berne, initially as a way to work with people suffering severe disturbance. He then went on to make it into an accessible system for exploring and understanding personality and how people relate to each other. TA is commonly used in individual or group therapy, working with children or whole schools, in couples counselling and a variety of settings. A key feature for many TA therapists is that they are able to share their method with their clients (if they wish), who then has the same tools to support them in everyday life. Often appreciated for it’s clarity and flexibility it forms deeper understanding of the self. As a solid base for me it allows freedom to add other techniques and approaches too.

It is a humanistic and compassionate theory that supports people to improve their relationships, their work life and or their personal anxieties and neuroses. I have also used it to explore childhood issues, loss, love and sex.

See basic concepts